When I was in boot camp we weren’t allowed to drink things while walking. You could drink your water, sure. You could walk around (albeit at right angles), but you couldn’t do the two things together. I seem to remember someone asking why to a muttered response about preventing accidents. Whether it had a reason or not, it was one of the parts of our culture there.

I bring it up because a few minutes ago I was filling up my water bottle by the office sink. I screwed the cap back on top and went to take a drink when it hit me: I was walking. There I was, deep in thought about some project or another, when I experienced “Navius-Interruptus”. I was standing again in the mess during service week, wearing my utilities and feeling less than clean. How strange.

We had a million of these little rules. How many more will creep up on me over the years? It took half a decade to stop walking in step with everyone around me. I imagine it will always feel weird to take a drink while walking now. Old habits die hard, even the silly ones.

Yes, I served. I enlisted in the Navy when things weren’t going so well for me. It was a bit of a whim decision, but one I don’t regret at all. They fixed me up in more ways than one.

My time was pretty uninteresting. I never went to sea. I served in Goose Creek, SC for a little over a year. My biggest highlight was getting injured during training and spending about 7 months on medical hold waiting for the results of a physical evaluation board. Eventually I was discharged honorably to my great relief.

Boot camp was absolutely horrible for me. For some of the guys who were in better shape, I think it seemed a bit of a joke. Not for me, though. I dropped from about 230lbs to 170lbs in those three months. It’s also where I broke both tibias, torn my ACL and meniscus. The docs gave me motrin and told me to drink more water. Take that as a lesson, NFL players.

Anyway, my service was pretty unremarkable, but I was there. The time I spent in South Carolina after basic training was pretty great. My short time in A-School introduced me to some wonderful new friends, and studying to be a Nuclear Engineer was pretty awesome. Wearing my uniform to my sister’s wedding was incredible, too. It was all the joys and none of the danger, I suppose.

These days, I still collect my disability from the VA and I’m a member of the American Legion. Would I have died for my country? I never had the opportunity to find out for real, but the pride I felt at basic training graduation still lingers with me. I like to think I’d have kept with my oath in times of trouble, but we really never know until the moment happens. Anyway…

To all those out there who served quietly like I did, and to those who really carry the burden of military service, and especially to those who didn’t make it back, have a happy Veteran’s Day, and thank you all.

When I begin there is this moment of confusion. It’s like wonder, but less wondering; the mysterious without any mystery. Maybe it’s like a tingle if someone told you what a tingle felt like without ever having felt one yourself. Things are about to move forward, life is about to take a step, then bam! I have no idea what to say about any of it.

I guess that’s all natural. It doesn’t make it any less disconcerting, though. How is that such a common feeling? Why are we all so comfortable and accepting of things being so universally unintelligible. Why doesn’t it bother me that I can still be totally confused at nothing.

It’s something about us, I think. We’re all talk about how we struggle against the unknown. Our curiosity drives us all toward some make believe higher whatever– but does it really? Do we really? I think we love the unknown. I think we crave it.

Maybe I just feel the need to project some of that mystery where there isn’t any. Maybe it’s the shock of things being too simple. Maybe I’m just tired and I should stop ranting about nothing. Maybe I should go pick up the phone.

What if I told you there was a magical berry that grew in some far-off place, like West Africa, that when eaten would make everything else you ate taste amazing? With this miracle fruit you could chow down on lemons like they were apples, or drink a tall glass of vinegar and it would be amazing. You’d be skeptical, right? I was.

A shrub named Synsepalum dulcificum produces berries that have been dubbed “Miracle Fruit“. A chemical in them, called Miraculin (yeah, I’m serious) reacts with the tongue when you chew on the pulp, and bonds to the taste buds for about an hour. For that duration, when you eat something sour, your taste buds interpret it as sweet. There’s a little more to it than that, but it’s the gist. Magic!

The particular product I found, mberry, is a tablet made from the berry. You let the tablet dissolve over your tongue for about a minute and you get the same effects as chewing on the fruit. I had been wanting to try it out for a while, but I was hesitant to really spend any money on what was probably a big fake. Well, when Woot.com had a deal, selling 20 tablets for $10, I said, “Worth it!”

So today we gave them a try after lunch. Every article I’ve read has been completely accurate. They are completely amazing. It’s not a subtle effect at all.

Here’s a few highlights from what I’ve tried so far:

• Maple Syrup – My #1 favorite so far. You can taste so much depth in it, it’s mind blowing.
• Balsalmic Vinegar – It’s like you want to drink it by the glass. I don’t know what it tastes like, but I want more.
• Lemons – This classic miracle fruit treat really is amazing. They’re like candy. You’ll tear into them and feel bad before you realize that you’re eating a lemon.
• Hot sauce – Apply directly to tongue. You’ll thank me.
• Hummus – Sort of like peanut butter.
• Tequila – The cheaper the better. This smooths it out and makes for a happy friday afternoon at work. You’ll think you’re drinking top shelf stuff.

There’s a lot more we tried, and some were impressive, but there’s also surprising tastes that are terrible. Whatever you do, don’t try Jagermeister. Just don’t do it.

Has anyone else tried these things? Share your stories!

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.
    - Henry David Thoreau – Journal (Aug. 23, 1853)

Every quarter year or so I am assailed by the same seasonal misconception. It’s one of those things that seems so obvious to me that I’m again and again shocked that nobody else seems to have noticed. Your seasons are all off by 45 days.

Today people are celebrating the Summer Solstice and across the internet I’m hearing the same thing. Folks are wishing each other a happy “first day of summer”. But what’s this? It’s not the first day of summer, you say? That’s right, we are 45 days into summer already.

See, I think the problem is that people only ever learned the names of the seasonal mid-points growing up. The equinoxes and the solstices are the days which mark out halfway progression through each season. The summer solstice was, in fact, called “midsummer” for most of its existence. Remember that little play, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”?

So with people only knowing four days, they just lazily made those the “first” days of each season. That’s my theory at least. Unfortunately, we already have days for that! The first day of summer was called Beltane, or May Day. The first day of winter was called Samhain (pronounced Soh-win). The first day of Spring: Imbolc. The first day of Autumn: Lammas, or Lughnasadh (pronounced Lunasa). We have holidays for all of these events!

The thing that really frustrates me is how these days are tossed on the pile as pagan holidays. They might have names that stretch back to some of that, sure, but only because they are first and foremost Earth holidays. If we celebrate the solstice it is no different than celebrating Imbolc. In fact, one of the last places you can find these days really celebrated outside of your local teen-age, Wiccan slumber party is in the Catholic Church calendar! The names may be different, but the celebrations are all there. Imbolc is Candlemas. Samhain is All Saints’ Eve. See?

Here’s the list, for quick reference:

• Yule, Winter Solstice, Midwinter, Christmas (ish)
• Imbolc, Candlemas, Groundhog’s Day, First day of Spring
• Ostara, Vernal Equinox, Lady Day, Festival of Trees, Gŵyl Ganol y Gwanwyn (if you like Welsh), Midspring
• Beltane, May Day, First day of Summer
• Midsummer, Summer Solstice, Litha, Samradh
• Lammas, Lughnasadh, Harvest or First Harvest, Bread Harvest, First Day of Autumn
• Mabon, Foghar, Second Harvest, Fruit Harvest, Midautumn
• Samhain, All Hallow’s Eve, Last/Blood Harvest, Ancestor Night, Feast of the Dead, First day of Winter

That’s not so hard, is it? Thanks for stopping by. Have a great midsummer, folks!